One Secret to Create Deep and Long Lasting Friendships

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Yesterday was around 78 degrees outside and it was a stark difference from all the boiling heat we’ve been getting in the Bay Area lately.

I was on my iPhone 6s Plus with a energetic young woman in her 20’s who worked at the prestigious Hilton in the beautiful city of San Francisco.

She had a clear voice and every word she said was just enough. Not rambling or salesy, but concise and assertive. You could tell she’s a great communicator and exquisite at adapting the conversation to meet whoever she was talking to. I remember thinking, “Wow she kinda speaks like a sports commentator.”

I was calling to make a last minute reservation for a wedding I’m in town for. I’m always late with these things.

Slouched on my smooth-black Ikea chair, legs kicked up on the bed, right foot over the left. My room smelled like freshly brewed coffee, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and freshly cooked scrambled eggs. I was patiently waiting for her to give me a price.

There was a ghost-silent awkward pause for a few seconds. The washing machine from the other room clicked and sloshed. Then I said it.

“So how is your day going, Bianca?”

Whoa.

Imagine how she must have felt deep in her bones. Every second of every day Bianca’s job is to please other people and make them smile. Put their feelings on top of her own. But, how often do people ask her how she is? How often does she hear her own name?

These subtle but powerful statements are what lead to deep and long lasting friendships. You will begin to receive lots of positive responses from other people and will enjoy the conversations.

My intention was genuine, but we had such a free flowing conversation (without me coming off clingy or desperate) that I almost got a better deal than than I expected for the hotel.

The point is: never underestimate how you can make someone feel and what it can do for you, especially when you say the most important word in the world — to them.

Their name.


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